Yes, I’ve decided to name this short story Heist My Heart. No, there is really no romance involved, at least I don’t think there will be. Of course the fact that I haven’t planned this story out at all means I can’t make any promises. Anyways, another night at work means another chapter to my story.
Arnold tossed and turned in his bed all night, various thoughts running through his head. Tomorrow was the big day, and he was unsure of the outcome. What he was even more unsure of, and was honestly more worried about, was what he had felt against his leg when Paublo and him had shared a final hug before parting for the night. But he tried to push those thoughts to the back of his head for the time and focus on the job tomorrow. Did they make kingsized Twinkies? Stop! Concentrate! If he didn’t get a good night’s sleep and wake up on top of his game tomorrow people might die, and not just the ones he wanted to die. Ones? Had he already decided that he wanted Paublo to die because of the awkward embrace? No, he realized, Paublo and he had something special in their friendship and no weird hug was going to change that. He had begun to consider the benefits of that butthole Benjamin dying, though, and subconsciously decided it would be for the best if he did. Then Paublo and he would be able to split the money, and they wouldn’t have to deal with his buttholish ways. Maybe he could trick Benjamin and Chico into shooting each other, hopefully in a way that said “hey look, this man is a real butthole and this other man is a liar who you should never believe if he told you about his activities with certain upstanding members of society.”
Suddenly an owl appeared on his windowsill and began staring at him. This was no coincidence, Arnold realized, this must be a sign. If he kept eye contact with the owl long enough something important would be revealed. He must know the secrets this owl holds, for it could mean life or death tomorrow. Arnold sat up in his bed and dangled his short stubby legs over the side. Readjusting his bed gown for maximum comfort, Arnold locked eyes with the owl. “Share your secrets, you beautiful creature. Tell me that which I must know.”
At 7 am the owl flew off the windowsil, having revealed no secrets and twice relieving himself on Arnold’s floor. The first time Arnold believe this to be a sign, and tried to determine what the shape of the splatter resembled, to no avail. The second time he began to suspect that the owl was just being a jerk. By 4 am Arnold started to realize that he was not going to be gaining any great knowledge from the creature, but also realized that if he went to be now he would probably oversleep and miss the whole heist. So he stayed up with the owl all night and told it stories of his childhood. When the owl ultimately flew away he felt as if a close friend had abandoned him, and a bit of sadness came over him.
The sadness quickly disappeared as he realized that the big day had finally come. Today was heist day! He lept off the bed and ran down the hall to the bathroom screaming at the top of his lungs, “aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!” After turning on the shower he did a little dance in front of the mirror and double checked the heist clothes he had laid out the night before. He hoped they were cool enough that no one would think he was a lame heister. He wondered what Pablo was going to wear to the heist, probably something really awesome that would make his heist clothes look lame. But that was ok, because best friends get over that stuff. He hoped that Chico wore something nice looking, because it was the last thing he’d ever wear. He bet that Benjamin would wear something brown, because he was a giant asshole. “Booyah Benjamin,” he thought to himself, “you just got schooled at the Arnold Academy!”
After a warm, relaxing shower and a large bowl of Cheerios Arnold put his sawed off shotgun and ski mask into his carrier bag and headed outside. It was a warm spring day so he decided to take his bike to work instead of driving. It was good for the environment, and the warm air on his face might help him keep his focus. As he ramped off the sidewalk he thought to himself, “Congratulations Arnold, this is the first day of the rest of your life,” and smiled at the wonderful sentiment.
